The rules are simple:
The worst logo/mascot is chosen from each currently active Major League Baseball club. The tournament tree structure is chosen by league rather than division. *Note: since the leagues consist of 14 and 16 teams respectively, creative liberty was taken to determine who advances to a second round and beyond. May the worst ideas win!
AMERICAN LEAGUE
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Baltimore Orioles (1965)- Clearly, Mr. Bat-Wielding Oriole is in a fit of rage over some perceived slight. I'm just not intimidated by a bird best known for eating oranges in my grandmother's garden. The plaid doesn't help either.
-VS-
Toronto Blue Jays (2003)- Anytime a modern logo is dropped as fast as it appeared, you know you've got a gem on your hands. What's not to like about a human-like Jay with a badass Canada tattoo on his HGH-inflated bicep? Oh yeah, everything.
Who advances: In the battle of the birds, the Orioles gain slightly more respect than the Jays because of the retro aspect of Baltimore's logo. In the 21st century, there is no excuse for a teenage angst filled bird showing off a red maple leaf tat. Toronto is forced to advance. Toronto
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Boston Red Sox (1950-1959)- Seriously, I can't decide what's funnier: the fact that this logo is essentially a giant piece of footwear with a severe case of priapism or that it was used for nearly a decade. Either way, this is a true contender. These things write themselves.
-VS-
Texas Rangers (1972-1982)- I'm a sucker for baseballs wearing hats. Also, please consider that this baseball likely has more intelligence than your average cowboy hat wearing 'poke. Love the retro Rangers font as well.
Who advances: Boston's excited sock in a landslide. When the Texas ball hat asked, "Who wants to mess with Texas?" the erect sock answered the bell and more. Beantown
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Chicago White Sox (1976-1990)- I'm not a professional baseball player, but I'm fairly certain that even I could play better ball than a player with that batting stance and balls for hands. The guy looks like an image lifted from the very first baseball game for the Nintendo Entertainment System. Not what you're looking for in a sports logo.
-VS-
Tampa Bay Rays (2008-present)- Yeah, I could have chosen the first Devil Rays logo instead because of its pastel splash of colors behind the ray, but you know what, this one deserves the embarrassment. I can't believe we're so PC that we have to remove the "Devil" part of the team name. Don't let the actual name of the aquatic creature get in the way of bible-thumpin', y'all! This ray of light logo won't help the team in the AL East. Ironically, the team's suffering fanbase are near the point of selling their souls to the devil for a shot at the postseason.
Who advances: Minor upset here...the newly Christianed (oops, I mean christened) Rays win for their blindingly bright idiocy in changing from something uniquely cool to something uniquely lame. As an alum of a high school with a mascot of a Sun, I saw firsthand the ineptitude of solar-themed team names. Tampa
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Cleveland Indians (1928)- There were a handful of pretty laughable logos for this much-maligned franchise's stereotypes. I had to go back near the beginning of their Indians era to find this gem, which appears to be the result of a team employee's lack of creativity.
Team President: Bill, you come up with a logo for that injun guy yet?
Bill: Uh, yeah, Mr. President...I got it...just give me a minute....
(Bill nervously fishes through pockets, finds Indian-head nickel, quickly traces outline on paper)
Bill: Here ya go! The Cleveland Indian man. Ta da!
-VS-
Seattle Mariners (1987-1992)- Please disregard everything I said about lazy team employee design, THIS is the pinnacle! Here's what I imagine the conversation to be:
Team President: Dang it Jim, did you design the new Mariners' logo yet?
Jim: Uh, the what?
Team President: The Mariners logo! Is it done?
Jim: (thinking that he can't remember how to spell the team name)
Jim: Yeah, for the baseball team, right?
Team President: What are you, stupid, son?
(Jim scribbles a capital M on a quick sketch of a baseball)
Jim: No sir. Ta da!
Who Advances: The sheer laziness of the Mariner's "M Baseball" sluggishly advances. Seattle
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Detroit Tigers (1927-1928)- "Did...did we win?" The confused brown tiger asked with a jumbled jaw structure.
-VS-
Oakland Athletics (alt. 1988-present)- The A's are so sure of their skills that they can balance a very tiny elephant on a baseball. Also, the elephant is holding a baseball bat for comedic effect. What this has to do with fielding a competitive MLB team, I haven't the foggiest.
Who Advances: "I....I won? Hooray!" exclaimed the confused tiger as he wore banana shoes with the dancing boatmen. Detroit
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Kansas City Royals (alt. 2002-2005)Kansas City has by far the least variation in their logos than any franchise I've seen so far. This one was chosen on the basis that it's completely unoriginal and boring. If you have to copy another franchise with a stock logo, do it to one that has a cool design. This looks like it was created using a template in MS Paint.
-VS-
New York Yankees (1936-present)I hate hate hate the Yankees. Words cannot express my dislike of this club. If I have to say something else, I'll say that this logo seems appropriate for a super patriotic strip club located in backwater Illinois.
Who Advances: This was a terrible round, I'll admit. I was handcuffed to two unimaginative clubs. For the simple reason that I love to see the Yankees lose, I'd choose New Yawk to get bounced. However, that would rewarded the Royals for changing their boring KC logo to a baseball surrounded by "Kansas City Royals Baseball Club". No creativity whatsoever. You know what? Both lose. Nobody
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California Angels (1971-1972)
California Angels (1973-1985)"You dadgum idiot! You fergot to capituleyes the team name!"
-VS-
Minnesota Twins (1972-1986)We're shaking hands as twin men because we are planning to win! Which man is St Paul? Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Who Advances: The spelling blunder that went unnoticed for two seasons is tempting, but the stupid cartoon men shaking hands over a river with a propaganda phrase above their heads wins as most ridiculous. Minnesota
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Second Round:
Toronto Blue Jays -VS- Boston Red Sox: The Red Sock doesn't seem to have softened, but the new steroid scandal in baseball has led to increased scrutiny over drugs, leaving the Hulk Jay with skinny girl arms. Who advances? Boston Red Sox
Tampa Bay Rays -VS- Seattle Mariners: The sun sets on everything save for the old British Empire. Since a floundering expansion club doesn't fall in that safety net of old world colonialism, the Rays' light goes out early, allowing the lazy M's to coast through another round. Who advances? Seattle Mariners
Detroit Tigers -VS- Minnesota Twins: In an embarrassing turn of events for Minnesotans, the twin men decide they are much bigger fans of each other than this stupid competition. As they shuffle off together to practice new stretching exercises in the locker room, the befuddled Tiger wanders in and is shuffled off to the winner's circle. Who advances? Detroit Tigers
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Finals
(The semi-finals became the finals when the Seattle M's forgot to show up for the semis. That's what you get when you're represented by a lazy logo!)
Boston Red Sox -VS- Detroit Tigers: It's tough to choose between a fantastically excited giant sock and a fantastically confused brown tiger head. I know mental handicaps aren't funny, but the fact of the matter is that the sock's embarrassing physical excitement will soon wear off while the tiger's low mental capacity will never be remedied. Unfortunately, the attempt to notify the tiger of his victory was met with the question of "But what about the pancake book?". We had no choice but to award the win to the giant sock. The sock celebrated by hugging us, which was as uncomfortable as imagined.
AL Winner:
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